a Love failed.

came to realise how useless i am. its no wonder you said those words, those things. from first hand informations from you to third parties. now its understandable and comprehendable why people say being together is not only about loving each other. all this while i had been too naive.

its how interesting how i fail at my own affairs and i am helping people with theirs and yet, it helps. things may have gone a tad too fast between us both. i was at fault for asking you when i did not know you well enough. well enough to even be together with you. honestly, i doubt anyone will ever come across this blog. only perhaps, less than 5 know of this and i do not update. i do blame myself that i speculated too much at times and made a fuck mess out of all this.

yet even with trying amendments, which i know are not sufficient, still fail, always. failures demoralizes me. it demoralizes almost everyone. who can say failing doesnt or isnt a bad feeling? maybe only thomas edison since he came up with "i have not failed, just found a thousand ways which didnt work". because of this line and because of what coached had said once, i am not giving anything up.

honestly, i have no idea how long i am going to cling onto this. seeing how ian had failed, it made me wonder alot. you're so close to me, yet you seem like a stranger to me now.

i have been stealing, you had been drinking. i do not want to steal but it seemed to be the only thing i could do even if it doesnt relieve me of all this. heard of news that you have started drinking again, no idea whether it is true. i do not understand why both of us are torturing ourselves, constantly in a tormented state.

maybe, maybe after we get our o's, you heading on with JC life, me with my poly/jc life. things might be long different from now but i certainly aint want things going that way.
i want to be the one to be beside you when you are down. not the one making you down. i want to be the one who hears anything from you first.
i want to be the one to love you, more than you do.
but how all the i wants seem so impossible.

you once said your parents disapproved us, because of our differing personalities. dx told me, who cares when 2 parties really are in love? i wondered on both sides. dx was right, your parents were right as well. despite loving each other, if you are not feeling happy or cheerful with me, it would have been very selfish of me to cling on. will you be happy, so much happier, like you were months ago, without me?

i thought so. patrick was the one who changed my mind. he told me how bad you were feeling, how you had been drinking, how shagged you look, how you were feigning to be your cheerful self. i told myself to believe him for i believe in this love. i will go on, not giving up as i used to. picking up, getting back on my both feet after every fall for you. just as i plead, you will not give up on me.

1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zu1D4lfKh-8&feature=related
2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfVEV8yi3RE&feature=related
3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cF-gyn68bMQ&feature=related

Nemo's brother. Emo.

I guess i should not be fretting over trivial matters. Maybe even all of this. Perhaps i had let my imaginations run too wild, too wild that it is affecting me. There are so many other things that deserve time to be allocated to. I know i am clueless, thats affecting both of us. Will time actually help? Thats what so many people have been saying, i find it hard to believe. Nature will take its course, but is the course ever smooth sailing? I don't want to make any regrets yet all the things i am doing in another way or another are bringing me regrets. I saw those messages which i am not suppose to have even read, do you think it is possible?

Had initially thought of backspacing everything but well, no one visits here anyhow. A secret to be kept, success.

Dilemma

Lost for words. Sian fuck

Downcast&dispirited?

MrsListener, 

If this is the way things are coming to you, then you have no chance but to let it go. At least you tried to salvage it, so don't feel so bad for you tried your best. Somehow it is inevitable that you will feel down and doleful, but do not let these negative emotions override you so severely. You are taking O'levels my dear! If its meant to be, then just let it be. From now, try not to be so bothered by him anymore. Instead, choose to live happily, think lesser of him. You have countless of friends who are behind you ! :D

Haha, i hope things are that easy. To me, such things are tough to explain even so typing it in words. I have confidence in almost every other aspects except for this part in life.haha. Maybe i should just let things go the way they are or let nature take its course? But like what you had told me before - regret/s. 

and she is not at home now!

&its only 4hour and 10mins more to my birthday! lols

Deepening

haha hello !

At least it is getting better, he is starting to answer your calls right. Give him sometime, i believe it will be okay one. Don't think too much negatively, think positively instead !

I am not sure of it. Like what i had told you, so many things are happening that is making me feel (no word). Chat chat chat, later get too engrossed in it then if i back out then, hell, history will repeat.

Friendship lasts longer than love relations.

1st analogy:
A big star always burns finish faster than a small star. It burns brighter but also, for a shorter time.


2nd example:

X= YZ
If x is 1000, y is the amount of love and z is hours.
If y is 10, z is 100 (friendship) - less love but lasts longer
If y is 100, z is 10 (relationship) - more love but lasts shorter

Tough life, tough decision.

post 1

haha HELLO mrslistener!

Maybe it was wrong of me to have taken his words into account. However, it just seem so intricating. Baffled by peoples words. Perhaps i should have talked to her about it, which i have no courage to. You never lose when you love, you lose when you are holding back. MRSlistener, you are right for all one knows. Hopefully all those things are false.